F.U.F.F.
Bald guys named Curly, flight attendants afraid of flying, and rain on your wedding day. These are all examples of irony. To this list I add one more. I am the manager of an IT development project and I have a “Fucked Up Force Field.” My job is to build software. My hobby is to break technology.
My office- mate coined the acronym F.U.F.F. to describe my uncanny ability to destroy, through the sheer force of my physical proximity, numerous and varied types of electronic devices. In the past two years I have wrought the following damage upon computers entrusted to my care by my company and our clients:
- crashed operating system requiring a day of down time for re-installation by IT guy (2)
- corrupted hard drive, requiring replacement and data recovery (2)
- faulty power supply requiring replacement (1)
That’s just the stuff at work. In the same timeframe my home computer has had a power supply die and a primary heat sink fail. I didn’t know that a heat sink could break. It’s a big piece of copper alloy that conducts heat away from the more delicate parts of the computer. There shouldn’t be any moving part to stop working. But it did. It stopped. And as a result I was without home internet access for a whole week.
I’ve recorded this effect on non-computer devices as well. This week my iPod battery stopped holding a charge for more than 30 seconds, the display on my cell phone went black, and the fan in my home computer began to rattle ominously. Taken separately these events don’t indicate a mystical power emanating from my person, but I think that most people would agree that 10 confirmed F.U.F.F related events in less than 24 months constitutes a pattern.
Some people in my situation would renounce technology, move to a cabin in
So, if you’d like to go ahead and place an early request for my services, please comment on this post. I’m sure that after I’ve had a successful test, my abilities will be in high demand. I’m available to destroy your boss’s hard drive, nuke the iPod of the annoying co-worker that doesn’t understand the concept of volume control, or to fry your big screen TV one week before your warranty expires, forcing Best Buy to provide you a shiny new one.
I’m also available for birthday parties.
posted by DC Viking at 12:15 PM
3 Comments:
Is this your super power? Are you like Rogue so instead of sapping a person's energy, you do it to technology??
This could be a very useful skill if you think about it - you could be Rumsfeld's new secret weapon in the 'war on terror'. Forget the missles - they can have you just walk around Iraq and shit will blow up!!
You'd be like superman - only you'd be 'technology destruction guy' (or something cooler sounding)
From now on I'm watching the news for this headline:
"D.C. Experiences Crippling Blackout; Cause Unknown".
Sounds to me like you have the makings of an excellent blackmail racket.
Oh and don't send me anymore e-mails. Who knows how far reaching this power of yours is.
Hmm how life follows art..
This is like Unbreakable, where Samuel Jackson is looking for his antithesis in Bruce Willis.
We in the tech department here have noticed that occationally I have "The Touch". This is to say that there are times that one of my guys can be banging his head against a problem with a piece of equipment or software and when they show me what is wrong, it starts to "Just work". We won't sometimes ever figure out why it was broken, but it can be fixed just by looking at it. Other times I don't have the touch, but one of my other guys have it.
This happens enough that we recognize and respect it.
Now I know the opposite exists, and it is in the form of an end user! I knew it! Someday we will meet on the field of battle and see who's power is greater!
An aside, I am loath to suggest it, but I wonder if your "F.U.F.F" has an effect on breathalyzers..
~Nato
(PS: Loving Spoon's Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga)
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