DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> DC Viking: February 2006

Friday, February 10, 2006

This sausage with extra cheese brought to you by the council on family values

It appears that PepsiCo is now in the business of protecting the American Family.

I noticed this non sequitur when I was enjoying my Friday afternoon junk food fix, a deep dish pie from Pizza Hut. I was waiting for the ESPN website and needed something to occupy my short attention span in the 4 seconds it was taking for Bill Simmons to load. Luckily, there was a pizza box sitting on the chair next to me. There, in screaming 56 point font and red lettering were statements like:

-Ask your parents who there favorite teacher was!

-Did you ever win an award or trophy!

-Beg your Dad to pay attention to you!

OK, I made that last one up, but these pizza boxes freak me out a little bit. Are people so loathe to conversate with their families that they need topic suggestions from a pizza box? And if Pizza Hut is going to suggest conversation topics they could at least show some creativity, or at the very least ask an open ended question.

Child: Did you ever win a trophy Mom?

Mom: No.

And they go back to watching 'Everybody Loves Raymond'. Next time you're having pizza with your family try one of these. They are guaranteed to elicit some interesting conversation.

- Bring up uncle Marty's drinking problem.

- Play 'How Many Partners' with the entire family. Guaranteed to end with Dad on the couch.

- "Mom. Dad. I'm gay."

Somehow I'd be a lot more uncomfortable if my family was actually reading questions from the top of the box in order to break the silence. Next to that, talking about the sexual history of my parents doesn't sound nearly as nauseating.


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Thursday, February 09, 2006

Your tax dollars at work (A play in one act)

photo by uncleboatshoes

It is Tuesday morning. The dapper and competent DC Viking takes a break from working for the man in order to renew his Washington DC vehicle registration on-line. He takes a sip from his delicious cup of Starbucks coffee, anticipating a quick and simple exchange of $87 for a window sticker and a cheap cardboard card that will allow him to drive and park in Our Nation's Capitol.


DC Viking: I'm extremely excited to be renewing my registration using the convenient, state of the art DC DMV website. What an amazing and wondrous time we live in.

(Our hero's brow furrows when he notices an additional charge of $100 for a traffic camera ticket that must be paid before he can register his car. He picks up his phone and calls the number listed on the website. After navigating the automated options for several minutes he finally reaches a real person.)

Service Agent: Ticketing department. Ticket number please.

DC Viking: S007458217. But it's not mine.

SA: What can I help you with?

DCV: This isn't my ticket.

SA: I see.

DCV: No really. Could you please tell me when and where this ticket was issued?

SA: It was issued on June 1st, 2003 on the corner of Massachusetts and Wisconsin.

DCV: See! That can't possibly be my ticket. I lived in Minneapolis in 2003!

SA: The ticket is on your record.

DCV: Yes, I know that. Could you give me any other information? The make of the car perhaps?

(There is a pause as the service agent types into his computer. No doubt a cutting edge Apple Jr.)

SA: It was an Audi.

DCV: My car is a Jetta.

SA: I can see that on our system.

DCV: Great! So you can remove the ticket?

SA: No.

DCV: Who was the Audi registered to?

SA: I can't tell you that.

DCV: Was it registered to me?

SA: No.

DCV: Great! So you can remove the ticket?

SA: No.

DCV: Why not?

SA: I need your registration.

DCV: For my Jetta?

SA: Yes.

DCV: But you have it there, don't you?

SA: I need your registration.

DCV: But you just confirmed that I have a Jetta registered in my name.

SA: Sir, I can't help you unless you fax me a copy of your registration.

DCV: But you’re the DMV! You know it’s my car! And you said that the Audi wasn't registered to me! I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I don't understand the logic that prohibits you from deducing that this ticket is not mine.

SA: Sir, I can't help you unless you fax me a copy of your registration.

DCV: Fine. What's the number?

(Our hero, being patient, flexible, and compliant, faxes the required documentation and then calls the service agent back.)

DCV: Did you receive my fax?

SA: Yes.

DCV: So I can register my car because the ticket is being removed?

SA: No.

DCV: Oh God why?

SA: This Jetta is being leased by the same company as the Audi.

DCV: So?

SA: That's quite a coincidence.

DCV: I'm not sure I understand.

SA: The lease to your Jetta is held by the same company that holds the lease on the Audi. That's quite a coincidence sir.

DCV: Not really. Maybe one number was written incorrectly on the ticket. Instead of the Audi getting the ticket, I got it. One number off, see? Please?

SA: I'm afraid you're going to have to prove that you never owned an Audi before I can do anything for you sir.

DCV: But how am I supposed to prove a negative?

SA: I'm afraid you're going to have to prove that you never owned an Audi before I can do anything for you sir....

(Curtain Falls)






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Monday, February 06, 2006

Hurley has good taste in music

" I guess I heard about original sin,
I heard the dude blamed the chick, I heard the chick blamed the snake."

- The Hold Steady



I should have written about The Hold Steady last Thursday, but I was hung-over. I'm also lazy. But if anyone read this blog, I would be doing them a disservice by not getting in the wayback machine and revisiting the show last Wednesday.

The Hold Steady is like your favorite bar band with 10 times the musical talent, poetic songwriting, and a penchant for the kind of dirty fingernail Americana that The Boss used to sing about before he became too successful to run in those kind of circles. Craig Finn sings/speaks/white-guy-raps stories about suburban Minneapolis drug dealers and conversations about the bible set in the Tampa Bay party district. He tells these stories while the band bangs out excellent, straight forward, rock ‘n’ roll and he gesticulates like some kind of sign language interpreter with a meth habit. While some people find his voice to be nasal I don't see it, particularly in the live show. I think trying to add 'real' singing to the overall sound The Hold Steady have going would be a mistake. Finn's voice is unique and it meshes nicely with the surprisingly subtle ‘dive-bar rock’ sound they have. I think you'd need a set of really gravelly pipes like the aforementioned Springsteen to pull it off.

The crowd at the Black Cat wasn't nearly as raucous as they should have been. I think part of the reason for the lack of energy was the surprising number of 18 plus-ers I noticed in attendance. I connect to The Hold Steady because they sound great, they sing about my home town, and they make me want to sit at a smoky dive bar. It didn't occur to me that they would appeal to the high school set until I looked around the Black Cat and realized I would have to be careful about buying a round without contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Once I had noticed the little-uns, the reason was self-evident. A good bit of the story in the songs revolves around teenage outsiders etc... It doesn't matter that most of the kids in the Black Cat carried themselves like they bought their clothes at Needless Markup with dad's credit card and can only relate to the how of the drugs in Finn's songs and not the why. The point is that these kids are too cool to give any energy back to the band, even if said band is putting on one of the best shows they are likely to see in a venue as small as the Black Cat.

To be fair, I think that a second factor contributed to the atmosphere being other than the beer soaked mayhem I had been hoping for. It was a week night. The Hold Steady probably hears more cheering than clapping at shows because they practically cry out for you to listen with a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other. It would appear that not all the working stiffs in DC share my fortitude/stupidity when it comes to the week night concert. Too bad for them. Not over serving yourself a little at a Hold Steady show is like going to the Minnesota State Fair and not eating cheese on a stick. You just don’t do it.

The show itself was phenomenal. There’s a gutter poetry in the lyrics that almost teeters on cheesy calculation in the album, but there is no insincerity to be found in the live show. From the spastic lead singer to the gospel organ riffs, the music and performance are honest. The band played a few songs from their first album, sticking mostly to the stuff from Separation Sunday. “Stevie Nix” and “Chicago Seemed Tired Last Night” stood out in particular among a set that didn't have any sag to it. They hit a few brand new tunes, as well, playing a song about poet John Berryman that was called “In Between Stations”. It was tough to pick out all the lyrics, but it left me optimistic that they haven’t used up all their karma on this album. They played a mean set and I’d love to see what they can do with a crowd that really gets behind them.

So, to Craig and the rest of The Hold Steady (because I’m sure they troll the interweb for reviews written in blogs with a weekly readership of 12) I’d like to say that I’m sorry DC seemed tired last Wednesday night. Come back and do a Saturday show for the drinking crowd and we’ll make it up to you.

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