40 points for Grandma
I don't drive in the city very often. It's usually unnecessary for me. Why would I go through the hassle of hopping in my car, fighting traffic, and then circling for 20 minutes trying to find a parking spot when I can just take the metro? I'm still new enough to the city that semi-reliable public transportation that does not have to involve a rickety city bus is still a happy novelty to me, and I’m lucky enough to work and live near a metro stop.
When I do drive, I'm sometimes mystified by the lack of regard the drivers in my neighborhood seem to have for the pedestrians that are about. Maybe it's because I live in DC Lite, and so many of the drivers are coming in from
I only mention this phenomenon because today a very impatient man in a very large SUV was intent on testing the impact resistance of his grill, using pedestrian commuters as his test subjects. This morning I drove to work, and being the good hearted and magnanimous person that I am, agreed to drop my roommate at the metro on my way. After letting him off, I was making a left hand turn onto
Not smart, I know. Miss Viking has already lectured me on this. "Don't flip people off in traffic. Didn't you hear about the guy whose dog was pulled from his car when he did that?!?" I hadn’t, I have no idea what that means, but rest assured I have already had my senselessness pointed out to me.
The walkway clears. I pull through the intersection and stop at the next red light. The man in the SUV is so incensed that he barely misses rear-ending me as he barrels up to the light. At this point I consider that the single finger salute may not have been the brightest idea. So I attempt to explain myself further, to make clear to my new friend that I didn't stop at the red light in an attempt to cause an accident and also that I am apologetic for our recent misunderstanding. I point out my window towards the red light. This does not clarify the situation. He backs his car off my tailpipe, and pulls into the lane next to me, hurling epithets at me through two layers of glass. In an attempt to make myself look like a childish idiot in addition to a sarcastic bastard, I mimic pedestrians walking with one hand while pointing to the crosswalk behind me with the other.
At this point his window goes down. Obligingly, I roll mine down. From his point of view I am apparently a, "Bitch-Motherfucker" and, "I had the turn arrow". When I explain that there were people in the crosswalk he informs me that, "They had a Don't Walk sign!" After enlightening me on the finer points of the rules of the road, he pulls away leaving me to ponder how many points I missed out on by not smashing headlong into the crosswalk.
It had to be at least 250. I’m pretty sure I saw a guy with a seeing-eye dog.
Labels: Exhibit A in the case for my damnation, My 'The City'
posted by DC Viking at 3:59 PM
4 Comments:
Great post. Like your HST photo.
Thanks. The Hunter duds were a halloween costume last year.
Here's a fun twist on your experience. While hauling my butt all the way from the east side of St. Paul on Saturday night I caught this exchange on the "good neighbor," WCCO.
The guest was explaining how he had flipped the bird to a gentleman who honked his horn when this guy cut him off in rush hour traffic. The cut offie (he who was cut off) then followed the cut offer (he who flipped the bird) and confronted him by vowing to “rip off the finger and feed it to him”. The cut offie then stormed away to his car.
As the cut offie drove away, the Bird Flipper noticed a Jesus Fish on the bumper of the cut offie’s car. The Bird Flipper there by proposed that he should be allowed to sue the Jesus Fish Man for breach of contract.
His argument was this: By displaying the Jesus Fish, the Jesus Fish Man is representing to the world that he is a peaceful follower of the man Jesus. When the Bird Flipper saw the Jesus Fish he feels that he entered into a contract with the Jesus Fish Man, that the Jesus Fish Man, as a follower of the man Jesus, would treat the Bird Flipper with tolerance and respect. The Bird Flipper feels that threatening to rip off his finger and feed it to him is neither tolerant nor respectful.
Although I too am a fan of the man Jesus, I have to say that after 45 minutes of listening to this blow hard go on and on about how smart and important he is for figuring out this whole Jesus Fish scenario I was ready to grab my W.W.W.B.D bracelet (What Would Wayne Brady Do) and track the pompous ass down for a good old fashioned bitch slapping.
The moral of this hard to follow parable?
Some times the guy who flips you off in traffic deserves to have his dog pulled out of the car.
been here for about 5 years now and i still don't drive (if i have a choice) in DC. and yeah, the HS Thompson costume rocks.
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