I'm a grown up
I went to a birthday party for a friend on Saturday. He and his girlfriend live near Capitol Hill, and I was excited to have an excuse to check out some of the bars on
7:00 AM - Wake up. Realize that I'm on a bathroom floor. But it's not my bathroom floor. How embarrassing. I hope nobody had to use the bathroom while I was passed out with my arms around the toilet bowl. I really hope nobody actually did. Pick myself, and what little pride I have left, off the floor and walk out to the couch in the living room. The birthday boy is passed out, sitting up in a really uncomfortable looking chair. What a moron I think, and fall asleep on the couch with my shoes still on.
9:00 AM - Wake up. Realize that it’s approximately 97 degrees in the apartment. One of the more charming features of this apartment is that the heating system is a 1920's era radiator. It never turns off. The only way to regulate the heat in the living room is by opening a window. Someone, probably me, closed it at some point the night before. Dehydration is a serious concern. I get up and have 3 aspirin with a Big Gulp™ of DC tap (mmmmm...carcinogenic). I briefly consider walking to the Metro and heading home to my own bed, but rule in favor of a nap. Standing makes the room spin, and I'm pretty sure I can't deal with a 40-minute metro ride just now.
10:00 AM - Wake up. Eyes glued shut because I didn't take out my contact lenses. Temp still equivalent to Tikrit in August. Must. Leave. Sauna. Luckily, I don't have to endure the field sobriety test of finding my shoes and tying them, because I never took them off. Remind myself to punish whoever is responsible for my pain. Realize it’s me. Realize I'm being punished. One less thing on my to-do list.
10:15 AM - Exit Apartment building. Sunlight. How nice.
10:30 AM - I take the metro to and from work all the time. In a city, nobody ever wants to converse with random strangers on the street. Today, no fewer than three people try to wish me a good morning and/or speak to me. My brain is unable to formulate responses in English, so I trudge past my well-wishers, contributing in my own small way to the insular social dynamic of life in DC. I briefly consider mugging one of the friendly people for a pair of sunglasses, but I can’t see through my gummy contact lenses and therefore can’t tell who might have some on. It occurs to me that it might be a good idea to take a cab home instead of powering through a metro ride in my condition. But I spent too much money last night. No reason to add to the damage.
10:35 AM – Eastern Market metro station. Gratifying darkness and solitude. Nobody seems to be taking the train. Maybe my morning is taking a turn for the better.
10:40 – Orange Line to
10:50 –
11:10 –
11:30 – Home. After holding myself together for the remainder of the ride, I shamble down the hill to my house and pry my contacts from my poor smoke stung eyes and crawl into bed. I forget to take off my clothes from the night before.
The Lesson: There are times when cab fare is money well spent.
Labels: I'm a drunkard
posted by DC Viking at 10:32 AM
6 Comments:
Out and about
As a bit of a preview, I'm going to start with the basics of blogging, talk about the different options, etc.
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Sweetheart, you aren't allowed to be a grown-up yet!
I'm glad to hear that someone is having a night or two of debauchery every so often. The aliens in my abdomen have kept me from doing anything of the sort. When you go out, you're drinking for four...you, me, and both of the babies. Considering their mother, I'm sure they will grow up to have quite a tolerance level!
Who knew I was drinking for four. That explains the tab.
Is it me, or is the idea of aliens living in Laura's tummy an unpleasant image. Way too many Tivo's of X-Files. And Tide' you have long nobly covered the FDA's recommended daily allowance of hooch.. for the state of Idaho.
That's not saying much. I think there are more people in Laura's belly than in the state of Idaho.
So that explains the rapid weight gain...and my cravings for potatoes...
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