Here's a handy primer on the individuals that want to be your Democratic nominee for the Office of the President of the United States of America:
Joseph Biden – Senator from Delaware
Pros: Experienced legislator with strong foreign policy credentials, has been in the Presidential spotlight before (88’).
Cons: Makes a John Kerry speech seem concise and to the point. Thinks Barrack Obama is the first clean black person to become a public figure. Winning Delaware is nearly as pivotal to becoming President as carrying Alaska. Didn’t do so hot the last time ran.
Barrack Obama – Senator from Illinois
Pros: Smart, clean, also fresh. Doesn’t wear ties very often. Lack of Washington experience means that he can run as a reform candidate.
Cons: Middle name is Hussein. Lack of Washington experience might mean that he has no idea what the hell he’s doing.
John Edwards – Former Senator from North Carolina
Pros: Is the son of a mill worker or something, has experience as both a Presidential and VP candidate, has good hair.
Cons: Has been totally slacking off since 2004, spending most of his time eating cheetos and watching reruns of the West Wing on Bravo. Still curls up in a corner and weeps when he thinks of the ass kicking Cheney gave him in the 04’ VP debates. May not actually be a Kennedy.
Dennis Kucinich – Congressman from Ohio
Pros: Um…
Cons: He’s f-ing crazy.
Hilary Clinton – Senator from New York
Pros: Raised $300,000 in the time it took me to write this sentence. Her campaign will have an air of inevitability if she does well in the early primaries. Who doesn’t want to see Bubba running around the White House for four or eight years with no responsibilities and a wife too busy bombing stuff to keep track of him?
Cons: Nobody can stand her. Is having a hard time triangulating her stance on the whole Iraq War ‘thing’. May be a cyborg.
Chris Dodd – Senator from Connecticut
Pros: Isn’t Dennis Kucinich.
Cons: Connecticut is no Delaware. Eyebrows don’t match whatever the hell he has on the top of his head.
Labels: politics
1 Comments:
HEHEHE too funny, darling!
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