DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> DC Viking: June 2006

Friday, June 16, 2006

Comcast and HBO are conspiring against me


There is a plot to force me to spend evenings outside listening to the dulcet sounds of summer, to catch up on my reading, to *shudder* talk to fellow human beings. It’s bad enough that I’ve been sacrificing quality blogging time to do productive things like go to night class and swim laps after work. But now HBO and Comcast have hatched a diabolical plot to pull me off the couch when I’m finished being productive each night.

First, Comcast started gouging me on my cable bill. This is nothing new. The introductory rates that I’ve been enjoying for the last year have been expiring, causing me bill to jump a little bit every month or two. Five bucks here, ten there, another five here. It’s brilliant if you think about it. Who is going to change their viewing habits over an additional five ducats a month, especially when you split it four ways with your roommates? Nobody. You won’t change your cable package, even though you don’t need 100 extra channels at an additional twenty dollars a month. Give up Japanese Cooking East #2? Are you mad!?! It’s only costing me five bucks a month. I spend more money on dental floss!

Comcast went too far this time, however. This month my bill jumped forty dollars, and nobody has been able to properly explain why. I’ve received several thoroughly confusing explanations involving the expiration of my introductory rates, the practice of ‘billing forward a month’, and the price of tea in China. Whatever. This has nothing to with money. It has to do with the monopoly Comcast has on cable in this town. I’m fighting the man. I've made it my mission to receive a clear explanation for why my bill went up and to discover exactly what I am paying for. Thus far I have been unsuccessful. I’m pretty sure my last e-mail to Comcast, laced with sarcasm and flow charts, has caused the head of the dim witted customer service associate I have been corresponding with to explode. I expect to get nowhere with this project, and am fully prepared to spend money on DirectTV installation costs and pay the same amount monthly in order to be able to tell Comcast to take their HD digital receiver and shove it.

The second prong of this insidious campaign to put fresh air in my lungs is being launched by HBO. I’m not sure if anyone is actually watching Deadwood, but I’m addicted to it. It’s got cowboys, whores, dirt, deceit, whores, gunfights, and whores. It’s also the smartest thing I’ve seen on TV in a long time, and I don’t normally pick up a program and follow it religiously. It’s Deadwood and Lost, for me, otherwise I’m watching movies or whatever is on DiscoveryHD.

So of course HBO is canceling the story, which was envisioned as four parts, after the third season. That makes sense. Invest time and money in the enterprise. Spend three years building an audience and developing characters and setting up a story arc to climax during the fourth season…and then pull the plug on the last lap. Bastards. If HBO isn’t going to keep me off the streets, what will become of me? Will I turn to a life of crime? Will I finally call my mother? Maybe I can cancel HBO and get NetFlix instead. But HBO is only five bucks a month…

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posted by DC Viking at 10:49 AM 0 people of discerning taste are saying